I'm Triggered By My Partner: Tips for Adjusting as a Couple During Postpartum

When you are a mom, it is hard not to find yourself caught up in the comparison game. Everywhere you look, someone is posting about their perfect life, their perfect home, or their perfect partner.

Of course, we want to feel happy for another person when they are experiencing joy in their lives. However, seeing their apparent perfection can cause us to feel negative about the imperfections that we see in our day-to-day lives.

One of the most turbulent, but often glamorized, times in a woman’s life is postpartum. Social media paints a picture of easy recoveries, infants who never cry, and a body that bounces back. To top it off, every influencer seems to have a flawless partner, who seems to have the ability to cater to all of the unspoken needs of the new mom. 

Meanwhile, the honest postpartum lives of real women feature new parents who struggle with communication, who are feeling lonely and unseen, and who are feeling like they are parenting alone without support.

You're lacking support and feeling like you're parenting alone. And every thing that your partner does lately seems to trigger you: 

The way they come and go as they please irritates you! 😠

They don't see or recognize the work you do😫

Your home would fall apart without you 🤨

You have to ask them to care for your child's need--no one every has to ask you!😑

They do the things they want and you never get a chance for self care😞

Does this sound familiar? If it does, please know that you are not alone. The transition from a couple to a family is dramatic, and it is more than common for there to be bumps along the way.

A disconnection with your partner can lead to communication issues, which will lead to an abundance of struggles moving forward. As long as you are in a healthy, well-intentioned relationship, there are things you can do to improve the situation.

In this article, we will talk about the following:

• Tips to reconnect with your partner
• Tips to be an equal partner (even when you are exhausted)
• How The Postpartum Wellness Revolution will help you to reintroduce connection and intimacy to your partnership. 

Tips to Reconnect With Your Partner

I'm going to start with my most important tip. Are you ready? Here it is: 

Be willing to communicate your frustrations and all the things that are setting you off in this season--lovingly and assertively. Sometimes, we don't know where to begin with communication. But, you can't move forward and adjustments can't be made unless they are communicated. You must communicate your needs! And as frustrating as it is, what I've learned is that needs sometimes need to be communicated over and over again.  

When you hold on to resentment for all the things that you're doing and your partner isn't doing, it sets your relationship up for disappointment, struggle and failure. You can turn things around and work together to make things better! Start with a conversation of things that you currently need your partner to take off your plate!

After you have a baby, your instincts may lead you to feel like you want to abandon all relationships for the sake of complete devotion to your child. While this may feel natural and right, it can be detrimental to your relationship.

It is more important than ever that you look for ways to deeply connect, communicate, and create intimacy with your partner during postpartum. Here are a few ways to do that:

• Create opportunities to spend quality time with one another.

 This is going to be extremely challenging, especially in the early days. You don’t necessarily have to be physically away from your baby, but taking just a couple of moments to emotionally connect with your partner will go a long way.

 It sounds cliche, but it could be just what you and your partner need to rekindle your connection.

• Remember it is okay if things are hard right now.

 Take your situation day by day. If you are having a challenging time connecting or communicating with your partner, try to focus on the task at hand, and spare yourself the wandering thoughts about how you wish things were different.

 Every relationship goes through hard times, and that’s okay. What matters is that both you and your partner see the value in working together to improve.

• Commit an act of kindness towards them.

 Amid newborn busyness, it is easy to forget that your partner is dealing with their own struggles. Re-humanize them by doing something for them that doesn't take up too much of your own energy. Also, allow them to reciprocate! Let them know what speaks to your soul and what would help fill your cup!

• Seek counseling.

 Many people believe that counseling only comes onto the scene when things are BAD. This is not the case! Counseling is a fantastic preventative tool for couples (in any stage of life) to reconnect and get back on the same page.

Tips to Be an Equal Partner (Even When You’re Exhausted)

A thriving relationship takes two committed individuals who are putting in real effort. As much as you may hope your partner will improve on this or that, you are only in control of yourself. Here are a few things that YOU can do to be an equal partner, even when you are exhausted.

• Be willing to communicate effectively.

 The “Blame Game” doesn’t get you far in a partnership. Give your partner a chance to speak, and try your best to genuinely listen. You may learn something new!

• Be forgiving of misunderstandings.

 This is a confusing time for both of you. When one of you inevitably makes a mistake, try your best to be forgiving of one another and move on!

• Remember that everyone is trying their best.

 In a healthy relationship, both partners want what is best for the other. Both partners are trying to fulfill their roles as seamlessly as possible. However, everyone falls short at times. That means that both partners must be willing to give a little grace to each other, and themselves. 

 When we remember the intentions of our partner, it reminds us to speak kindly and embrace this imperfect stage of life that we are so blessed to endure alongside those we love.

The Postpartum Wellness Revolution

At Elephant Baby, we understand how easy it is to feel lost when navigating personal relationships, while also trying to navigate your new role in motherhood.

This is why we created The Postpartum Wellness Revolution. This membership will support you as you strive to connect, communicate, and create intimacy with your partner during postpartum. Specific lessons in this topic will support you in your journey to becoming a healthy, empowered mother. Topics include:

• Hormone Recovery
• Overcoming Exhaustion & Strategies for Better Sleep
• The Importance of Boundaries
• Addressing Postnatal Depletion
• Healthy Recovery Through Nutrition
• And More!

Remember… 

You deserve support at this time. If you are not receiving it from your partner, no matter how hard you try, seek it elsewhere. Connect with siblings, your parents, a friend, or even a nanny who can help you through this difficult and confusing period. You deserve to feel seen and heard!

By valuing your relationship and making it a priority in your life, you take the first steps towards allowing it to grow and change for the better. Join The Postpartum Revolution to get the support that you need!

Rooting for you!